Demons Saving Hunters? What Has The World Come To?
by The Inverse Universe
Summary: Crowley doesn’t know how he came to be saving the teenaged sons of a demon hunter, but he knows Aziraphale will be very dissapointed if he does not. Teen!Chesters


Crowley swaggered into the decrepit cave with his usual panache. It was large enough, but reeked of small animal shite and sulphurous water.

"Alright, I'm here," he announced, swiping off his sunglasses and revealing his serpent eyes. "What's all the fuss about? You do realize I was in the middle of reading the Antichrist a bedtime story."

The four demons, each with various creepy crawlies sprouting from their bodies, all looked at him. Their usual unamusement with his antics was replaced with eagerness to show off to a superior. They were all young, newly corrupted demons, still raring for temptation and a commendation.

One of them, Baneth, he vaguely recalled, spoke up first. "We figured a demon so well regarded in Hell would want to be part of this upcoming glory!"

Baneth was just gross, even by demonic standards. He had managed to be part naked mole rat, and was hunched over and rat like, with pink flaccid skin and buck teeth. He looked like a saber toothed dick.

"Oh really?" Crowley asked, looking over the other demons and seeing them equally excited. "What's this big glory, then?"

"Come, come!" Baneth beckoned him into a side chamber of the cave.

Crowley ducked under the low opening and said, "Well, shit."

Inside the chamber, there were two teenage boys, maybe thirteen and sixteen, chained and gagged. The younger was shorter and had long brown hair, while the older was taller and broader with sandy hair. They each were gagged and had their hands cuffed together and then chained to a large stalagmite in the middle of the cave. Instead of looking terrified and ready to wet themselves, like any good mortals should, they looked pissed and ready to bash heads the minute they got loose.

Before he ducked his head back into the main chamber, Crowley forced a non horrified expression onto his face.

"Sam and Dean Winchester!" Baneth crowed, clapping his hand-like appendages together. "Children of the demon hunter John Winchester!"

So that was why they seemed vaguely familiar. Crowley liked to keep tabs on potential threats, and when he occasionally popped across the pond, John Winchester and his boys were pretty high up on the list.

Feigning being impressed, Crowley said, "Well, good job guys. It can't be easy kidnapping the precious children of a renowned demon hunter. Do you know how many better demons than you John Winchester has slain? I hear he carries holy water in a flask on his keychain, always ready to strike. Really, I'm impressed."

He couldn't help but grin at how nervous the demons started to look.

"What shall we do with them?" Baneth asked nervously. He was wringing his hands, which really didn't help his cock-rat image.

At this, Crowley laughed. "You haven't thought that far ahead yet!" He shook his head. "Really, I expected better."

"I say we rip out their tongues and force them to swallow them," crooned a daddy long leg themed demon.

Crowley held back his distaste and said, "Wouldn't it be hard to swallow with their tongues ripped out?"

The demons nodded like hens and Baneth asked, "Should we kill them?"

"Here's what I'll do," Crowley said, taking charge. "I'll go consult with some higher ups, and we'll come back with a game plan. Oh, don't worry. I'll make sure you... fine folks still get the credit."

All four demons sniggered gleefully at that and nodded.

"Alright, be right back!" He turned tail and jogged back out of the cave.

———

Once he got topside, Crowley immediately called out a prayer to Aziraphale.

"Angel! Angel!" He shouted. "Get your feathery keister down here and get to thwarting!"

After a moment, Aziraphale appeared in a ray of light. He tugged on his coat and nodded primly.

"Yes, Crowley? Which of your wiles am I thwarting today?" He asked fondly.

Crowley shook his head and explained, "Not my wiles. There's a handful of upstart demons in this cave with two kids chained up."

"What!" Aziraphale demanded. He looked truly agawk. "How dare you be involved in harming children! Really, I thought this was beneath even you."

"I had nothing to do with this, honest," Crowley insisted, raising his hands in surrender.

Aziraphale looked at him suspiciously for only a moment before nodding. "Of course. I'm sorry to have suspected you."

Crowley ran a hand through his hair, exasperated at his angel's eternal kindness. A thought came to him.

"Do the names Sam and Dean Winchester ring any bells?" He asked.

"What?" Aziraphale demanded. He looked ready to blow a gasket, and didn't even seem to care that his bow tie had become crooked. "You mean to tell me the Vessels have been absconded with by demons!"

"I'm sorry, the Vessels?" Crowley asked.

With a sharp sigh, Aziraphale explained, "Those boys are the future vessels of Michael and Lucifer. They are Plan B for the apocalypse!"

"Oh. That complicates matters," Crowley said with a pained expression.

"No it does not!" Aziraphale insisted, seeing where Crowley was going. "I don't care if they could bring the apocalypse, we are not going to allow demons to kill two children! Let us focus on stopping plan A first."

Crowley huffed dramatically. "Fine, Angel. We'll save them. I'll go down first. Wait a few minutes before coming down and meting out heavenly wrath."

———

Crowley hustled back down into the cave, frantically entering again.

"Bad news, guys," he announced. "Those boys are the Vessels."

"That what?" Baneth asked, dumb as ever.

Rushing over toward them, he said, "They're plan B for the apocalypse. Precious cargo. Importante."

The demons shifted and looked at each other nervously. "So what should we do with them?" Daddy long legs asked.

Crowley sighed at their idiocy. "Nothing! We're going to have angels on our asses any minute—"

Before he could finish his sentence, divine light began glowing from the ceiling.

"Angels!" Baneth shrieked, and proceeded to rush around like a plucked chicken with his head cut off alongside the other demons.

Aziraphale descended slowly from a pillar of light, no doubt reveling in the theatrics. "Fiends of Hell!" He boomed. "You have made a grave mistake!"

A small demonic miracle caused a cave in to block the demons' escape.

Crowley stood off to the side, grinning as he watched Aziraphale round up the squawking demons.

One demon at a time, he appeared in front of them and pressed two fingers to their foreheads, letting holy water spring forth from his fingers and putrefy them.

At last it was just Baneth remaining, the great rodential cock. "Crowley! Help us!" He cried as Aziraphale cornered him in front of the cave in.

"Nah," Crowley said.

Baneth shrieked as Aziraphale killed him too.

"Gotta say, Angel," Crowley said, swaggering over to the rather pleased principality. "I always get all flustered when you go badass like that."

"I am always a badass," Aziraphale insisted primly as he adjusted his coat and tie.

Crowley just grinned.

A clatter of chains drew their attention back to the macguffin of this whole brouhaha.

The two boys were staring at them through the low stone arch separating the chambers. They were huddled together with the older one angled in front of the younger protectively. Both of them looked shocked and mistrustful.

Crowley strode over and said, "Please don't scream. You heard how badly it echoes on these stone walls" before pulling the gags from each of their mouths.

"Get the hell away from us!" The older one, Dean, barked. He was doing his best to seem imposing, but it wasn't very effective with him tied up and shielding his brother.

"What did I bloody do?" Crowley demanded, stepping away from them and spreading his arms.

The short one, Sam, spat out, "You killed our mom!"

"I did no such thing!" Crowley insisted, sputtering with indignation. "Out of the very few mortals I've ever killed, all of them deserved it and none of them were American women."

Dean glared at him and said, "The yellow eyed demon killed our mom. That's you."

Crowley rolled his eyes and leaned close so that they could see his eyes. "You see these?" He said, pointed at one then the other. "Snake eyes. Snake. I know bloody well who you're talking about and that's not me. I'm the snake eyed demon if you must, but not the yellow eyed."

Aziraphale, who had been watching this whole interaction with an amused smile, stepped into the side chamber and said, "There is an angry man with many guns driving towards the cave at the moment. Would you boys happen to know who he is?"

"Dad!" They both cried, eager and relieved.

"That's what I figured," Aziraphale said with a nod. "Well, we best be getting you boys back to him, I suppose."

He snapped his fingers and the manacles around their wrists snapped open and clattered to the ground.

Sam and Dean pulled their wrists back and stared at the manacles and Aziraphale with awe and mistrust. Both of their wrists were chafed and bruised from the bonds, and Dean's were bloody from pulling at them.

"Now that won't do," Aziraphale said in a motherly tone. He waved a hand and both of their wrists healed.

"Woah," Sam said.

The angel looked them over and saw that Sam had a split lip. He reached for his face, ignoring Dean's protest, and healed Sam's lip with a tap.

"What are you?" Dean asked, still suspicious, but less openly hostile.

Aziraphale preened and said, "Why, I'm an angel, of course."

"Angel," Crowley reminded him. "Angry demon hunter coming to save his children?"

"Right, of course. Thank you, Crowley." He nodded and held out his hands to the boys. "Shall we?"

They hesitantly each took one of Aziraphale's hands as he looked to Crowley and said, "I think it's best if you sit the reunion out."

"Oh, believe me. I have no intention of going anywhere near John Winchester," Crowley assured him.

"Very well," Aziraphale said. "Let's go meet your father." He squeezed his hands and they flashed out of the cave.

———

Aziraphale appeared with Sam and Dean at the mouth of the cave system just as the shiny black car came into view around the bend.

He raised an arm over his head and waved happily at John as he pulled the car to a screeching stop.

The hunter jumped out with a shotgun at the ready and ran over to them. The first thing he did was splash a jug of holy water in Aziraphale's face.

Aziraphale spat out a small amount of water and said cheerily, "Hello, John Winchester. I am not a demon."

"Dad!" Sam cried, bum rushing his father with a hug.

John hugged him back tightly before tucking his under his arm and turning his attention back to Aziraphale.

"Don't worry," Aziraphale assured him. "I have killed all of the demons involved in this nasty affair, and healed your children's wounds. They were very minor."

"You killed demons?" John asked disbelievingly.

Sam piped up, "He really did! They melted like the wicked witch!"

"They're at least not there anymore," Dean agreed. He didn't seem entirely sold on the demons being dead and gone. He walked towards his dad and clapped him a brief man hug.

John pulled Dean behind him and asked, "How the hell did you kill demons?"

"With holy water, of course," Aziraphale said as if it was obvious.

"Holy water doesn't kill demons," Dean corrected. "It burns them."

Aziraphale scoffed and said, "It kills them when an angel blesses the water."

John glared at him suspiciously and asked, "What are you?"

Aziraphale unfurled his wings dramatically and announced. "Why, I'm the angel Aziraphale!" He flapped his white wings mightily and, with a flourish, flew away into the beyond.

Crowley, who had been watching from a distant copse of trees, shook his head and said, "Flash bastard."


End file.
